


We'll Either Create a new Galaxy or a Black Hole

by victoriousscarf



Series: Stars Burn Out [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Han and Leia implode, Luke tries not to pick up the pieces, Minor hints of Leia/Luke, Multi, Post RotJ, Spoilers by implication for the Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:25:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes things just fall apart</p><p>(And sometimes it takes longer than others)</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Either Create a new Galaxy or a Black Hole

**Author's Note:**

> This is directly what I wrote upon coming home from seeing the Force Awakens so spoilers sorta by implication for that. And the feeling of dread sorta laced through the whole thing, because sometime the whole trio implodes between movies and while we gets hints of that and how and why there's so much to the story we haven't heard yet. So this is written to fit in there as at least one possibility, or at least to take advantage of the fact they do fall apart. 
> 
> I'm in a pretty dark mood about them all, obviously, and wrote this while staring at a gif set of Luke and Han hugging and listening to [ Our Demons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkvOLB7Yzhs) by the Glitch Mob ft. Aja Volkman

Luke entered the room and almost walked right back out. He had plenty of excuses, plenty of fires to put out and to take his attention away.

“How are you doing?” he asked, stepping further into the room.

“How would you expect?” Leia asked, sitting up against the porthole of the ship, watching the stars.

“Badly,” he said, shifting and sitting down across from her. “Did—did he give you any warning or—?”

“We were fighting,” she said and her and Luke exchanged a wry look. “But we always are, aren't we?”

“Yeah,” Luke admitted and for a while they sat there, just him and her and the stars and the quiet sound of their breathing.

Leia rose finally, pushing herself to her feet. “Well, there's plenty of work to do.”

“Leia—”

She shook her head and gave him a wan smile. “I know, Luke. It hurts like I got kicked in the chest but that doesn't mean I didn't see this coming.”

“He loves you,” Luke said, because it felt important to say, considering Han had left and couldn't say it himself.

“I know,” Leia said and gave a tiny shrug. “But sometimes that's just not enough.” She turned before pausing and turning back. “He loves you too, you know.”

“Leia,” Luke said, a shade warningly.

“It's true,” she said. “For all it's worth. I'm not saying it's always been about you, or that's why we fell apart. We did that all on our own. Or that he couldn't love both of us because I think he does. But he didn't come back to the Death Star for me and he's never stopped looking at you like the sun either.”

Luke shook his head slightly. “He doesn't.”

“Sure, Luke,” Leia said.

“What's the point of saying this anyway?” Luke asked, and he may have curled up on himself, blending in to the wall of her dim quarters with his all black.

“Maybe as a warning,” she said. “Maybe because it makes me want to throw up but I also still want you to both be happy.”

“We wouldn't be happy together,” Luke said, because he needed to convince himself of that.

“Because you've never looked at him like the sun either,” Leia said.

Luke sighed and pushed himself to his feet too. “Just let me know if you need anything,” and then he retreated.

-0-

“Hey there,” Han said and Luke paused, covered in dirt and blood and wanting nothing more than to fall face first into any bunk and sleep away his pain and fear from the mission.

He hadn't seen Han in months.

“So you're back,” he said and Han was smiling, cocky and sure with his hip leaning against the wall. He looked like he had been waiting for Luke, possibly for a while.

Slowly, Luke came up the stairs toward him, away from the floor of the hanger bay.

“Did you miss me?” Han asked.

“I need to make a report,” Luke said and Han's face wavered.

“Is that a no?”

“I'm tired,” Luke said, instead of answering. “If you stick around until tomorrow maybe I can tell you then.”

That made Han's face entirely fall. “Look, kid, it wasn't—”

“Don't call me that,” Luke said, the nickname never having bothered him so much before. “Besides, it's not—you left Leia and found yourself the farthest mission to do. It's fine. I'm fine. I didn't mean to sound bitter about it.”

Han looked at him like he didn't believe him and frankly Luke didn't believe himself either.

“How the Jedi thing going?” Han asked instead.

“Slowly,” Luke said and looked away.

-0-

Luke thought he and Han weren't avoiding each other, they just always had something else to be doing, somewhere else they were needed. Luke was trying to finish the war and keep an eye on the future. Being the last Jedi put a lot of pressure on one person and he needed to build a school.

At least that's what he thought he was supposed to be doing.

Even if sometimes he found himself watching the way Han's hands moved while he talked, the curve of his mouth when he smiled, head tilted back to talk to Chewie.

But Luke had years to get used to ignoring this.

-0-

Leia still moved like she was wary of everything around her, and she still tended to walk out of the room when Han entered it. But she started seeing someone else too, someone who had never wavered or left the rebellion behind and Luke refused to ask if she was making a statement with that, or if she really did adore the man.

He sometimes wondered though.

He had nothing against the man, and yet he sometimes found himself comparing him to Han, trying to see what drew Leia first to him and then to this man.

“He's actually a little scared of you,” Leia said one night and Luke twitched back, staring at her.

“What?”

“Well, you did take down both the emperor and Darth Vader by yourself,” she said. “The Last Jedi. It's quite an aura you have going for yourself. Not to mention the way you hold yourself distant now.”

“I don't,” Luke started. “I mean—It was neither, anyway.”

Leia's eyes were just too knowing. “No one else believes that,” she said.

“I hope you do,” he muttered.

“You were the right man at the right time,” Leia said finally. “Without you, Vader would never have turned on him, and they might still both be alive.”

“Maybe,” Luke said.

“You're the hero of our whole movement,” Leia said. “Take credit for it.”

“I'm just not sure this is what I should be doing,” Luke said.

“What else is there to do?” she asked.

-0-

“So you're seeing someone else?” Han asked and Luke stopped, hovering outside the door way and not daring to enter.

“Is that surprising?” Leia asked, and there was ice in her voice.

“A little bit, yeah,” Han said and there was naked anger in his.

“Don't you dare,” Leia said. “You're the one who up and left, you don't get to be angry about this. Did you think I would be waiting for you?”

The pause that followed that was answer enough and Luke realized he was holding his breath in the hallway.

“Damn you, Han Solo,” Leia said.

“It's not that I expected you to wait forever,” Han said, hurt. “Just not—”

“You left,” she snapped. “I can't deal with your commitment issues, I don't have the time or the inclination.”

“Then you should never have kissed me,” Han said and leaning against the corridor outside the door, Luke leaned his head against the cool metal and could just imagine the way Han was throwing his arms out as he spoke. “Or what? Did you think you could change me, princess?”

“Who knows why I ever thought that,” Leia said. “But doesn't everyone dream that love can overcome everything?”

“Maybe children,” Han said and Leia stormed out of the room, passing Luke and not even really seeing him. Closing his eyes he opened them again to see Han standing in the corridor, staring at him. “And you heard that, I assume?”

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” Luke said, which meant of course that he had.

“You know,” Han started.

“I'm sorry,” Luke said. “But I don't really want to hear this.”

-0-

Luke and Wedge were drinking. “Do you ever just miss flying a ship?” Wedge asked, sprawled out and with circles under his eyes. “I mean without,” and he used his glass to gesture to Luke, still wearing all black, which only made the lightsaber at his hip all the more obvious.

“Yeah,” Luke said, leaning his head down on his arms. “Yeah I do.”

“You could just run away,” Wedge said with a knowing smile. “Well, again. You know, like that time you deserted the Rebellion—”

“See, but that was to train as a Jedi,” Luke said, used to the jab. “So that wouldn't work as now.”

“Yeah, I guess that would bring you right back to this point,” Wedge said after a beat.

“But you won't tell anyone else I said that?” Luke asked after a second, because even drinking with a friend, he thought about the blow morale would take if it ever got out he wanted to run away.

“I wouldn't do that to you,” Wedge said, clicking their glasses together and Luke gave him a wavering smile at the same time Han sat down next to him. Luke twitched, looking over at him and feeling too loose and tired to protest.

“Come on, Antilles,” Han said, picking up the bottle Wedge had been pouring from. “I can't believe you're giving him the bad Corellian booze.”

“It's not bad,” Wedge protested. “It's a matter of taste, Solo.”

“Right,” Han said and turned to Luke. “Why didn't you tell me Leia was pregnant?”

Luke blinked. “You—you've been seeing her as often as I have. Hadn't you noticed?”

“She—she told me,” Han said. “I mean, I figured it out when I saw her today.”

Wedge looked torn between leaving and whistling.

“It wasn't my place to tell you if you were gone and she didn't,” Luke said, trying to straighten his back and not lean into Han's warmth. He thought about what Leia said, about the way they looked at each other and forced what he hoped was a neutral expression on to his face.

“Have a drink,” Wedge offered, finding another glass some place and handing it over. “Since you're going to be a father.”

“I,” Han's face fell.

“It's hard to run away from a commitment when you have kids,” Wedge continued. “Not that you can't of course, because you still can.”

“What about, whats his name?” Han protested. “That she's—”

“He died,” Luke said and Han stopped. “In a battle, um, two weeks ago.”

“The Battle of,” Wedge started and then shrugged. “Actually I don't remember the name of the planet anymore. I'm sure someone will write it all down someday. Right now it's blurring together.”

“Have another drink,” Luke suggested and despite complaining about the bad Corellian booze earlier, Han seemed to have no actual problem drinking it.

Later, Wedge had staggered off, leaving the empty bottle behind and Luke too loose and leaning on the table with Hank knocking back the last shot from the bottom of the bottle.

“You know,” he said. “I've always wondered.”

“Hm?” Luke hummed. He would regret this when the next crisis arose, probably while he was still hung over.

“Way back when, when we rescued the princess. Which one of us you were jealous of.”

Luke blinked, adrenaline making him feel slightly more alert. “What?”

Han was grinning over at him and it made Luke's chest ache. “You know. Do you think a princess and a guy like me? And you instantly said no.”

“That was a long time ago,” Luke said because he felt like he was centuries old instead of decades.

“Yeah,” Han agreed. “So which one of us was it?”

“It was both,” Luke said because he was too tired and too drunk to say anything else. “I wasn't sure who I was jealous of more so I just said no, I hoped you never got together.” He paused. “I mean, then. When you did, I, I was happy for you.”

“Were you?” Han frowned.

“Sure,” Luke shrugged. “You both deserved—deserve—to be happy. And I thought you made each other happy so I was happy.”

“Not jealous?” Han asked.

“I tried not to be,” Luke said. “Besides by that point—I've become too much of a Jedi. I mean, I've trained to be a Jedi and I am a Jedi now. So. Jealousy, all that, it can't matter. You were together and happy so that was good since I wasn't supposed to be with either of you anyway.”

“What?” Han frowned.

“Jedi,” Luke said. “I mean. We aren't.” He was staring right at Han's mouth and shook himself. “Supposed to have attachments. Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love.”

Han looked at him flabbergasted. “Not fall in love?” he asked.

“It's too dangerous,” Luke said. “For us. For me.”

Han slammed a hand on the table and Luke didn't flinch, because somehow he had been expecting it.

“Why are you angry?” he asked, looking at Han again, eyes flickering over his face instead of allowing them to settle anywhere.

“Because your love isn't dangerous,” Han said. “It shouldn't be. What sort of cocked up order would ever—who gets to forbid stuff like that?”

“People who presumably know what a bad idea it is,” Luke said.

“But you do love,” Han said. “You loved Leia. You still do, because she's your sister.”

Luke shivered, remembering the way Vader's mechanical voice had lingered over the words “A sister. You have a twin sister.” How his feelings for Leia had betrayed them both in that moment, in that place he still visited in his nightmares.

“Yeah,” he said. “And you know—I really did love her. I daydreamed about it a lot, actually kissing her and meaning it. I wanted to be her's.” He laughed and it didn't sound very amused or happy. “And sometimes I look at her and I still want. Finding out she's my sister—It's great, I love her, I'm _happy_. But even though it's wrong and not—I want her to just be my sister, I'm beyond happy with that. It makes sense, we work well. But finding that out, it didn't just flip a switch and turn off the wanting completely. It's still down there. But it's getting easier to not look at her like that. It's not like I haven't wanted and not gotten before. I'm okay with not getting.” He smiled at Han and Han just stared back at him, his knuckles white where he was holding his empty glass. 

“Luke, you can't just pretend you don't love—”

“It's not pretending,” Luke said. “It's not _having_. It's letting go of... of not being able to let go.” 

“You still don't deserve a life like that,” Han said. “Why would any order forbid something like that anyway?”

Luke froze, and he sometimes felt like he could still hear Vader's breathing. “Because that's why Vader became what he did,” Luke said, because Anakin's ghost had come to him, sat with him one night, and told him the story Obi-Wan never had. That Obi-Wan might not have fully known, and was certainly at least somewhat ashamed of.

“It wasn't his fault,” Anakin had said, and sometime he flickered, between the man he had been, and the scars he had worn in life. “But he thinks it was.” 

Han was staring at him again. “You aren't Vader,” he said. 

“I could be,” Luke said, leaning his head against the table. 

“You could never be,” Han said with such surety Luke had to close his eyes. 

“He was my father,” Luke whispered, and Leia and he had talked once about what that meant. They were still deciding—and by that he meant Leia was still deciding—if they should tell anyone. It could shake the Rebellion apart, and it could destroy them both if the galaxy knew. 

But Anakin was about to have a grandchild, Luke realized all at once, and Han was part of this family now too. The thought made something come loose and shake in his chest. 

Han gaped at him. “What?” he asked weakly. 

“Besides,” Luke continued. “All Jedi could fall. That's why we have the code. The rules. We're dangerous. And I could be like him. Because I almost was.” 

“Luke,” Han whispered and Luke had told no one about what happened at the Death Star. He had told Leia snatches of it, and sometimes he woke up screaming to find Anakin's force ghost sitting beside him, eyes shadowed and the only comfort he had. “Luke, you could never.” 

“Stop it,” Luke said and Han leaned forward. “Don't,” Luke whispered before he got too close. 

“Your love isn't dangerous.”

“You made your choice,” Luke said. “You chose Leia. I'm not your seconds. And I've made my choice too, and it's to be a Jedi.” 

“You don't have to live by dead men's rules,” Han said. 

“I chose to because it's the right thing to do,” Luke said. 

“It isn't because it can't be,” Han said. 

“Don't,” Luke said. 

“Beside,” Han said, and he was still too close. Luke's heart was too loud in his ears and he wondered if anyone was looking at them. “I didn't make a choice. You aren't seconds.”

“Right,” Luke said and he really didn't mean for it to be so bitter. 

“Flirting with Leia was easier than wanting you,” Han said and they were close enough Luke could feel Han's breath on his mouth. 

It took him a second to gather himself. “Get out,” he said and Han blinked. 

“What?”

“Get out,” Luke repeated, keeping a tight leash on his voice and Han obediently rose and left. Luke buried his face in his arms on the table and tired not to do anything.

-0-

He wasn't sure if he was avoiding Han or if Han was avoiding him but they didn't meet again for several months. 

There was something steely in Han's eyes when he approached Luke, and they were both battered again. “I think we should talk,” he said. 

“I need,” Luke started to make an excuse and Han grabbed his upper arms, holding him in place. 

“Don't do this to me, Luke.”

“Do what?” Luke asked because the war was still grinding on, and despite the fact they were _winning_ every battle, they never seemed to be making any progress. 

“Shut yourself off,” Han said. 

“We're busy,” Luke protested. “We're both busy. And you need to be helping Leia, you're going to have a kid—” 

“That has nothing to do with my relationship with you,” Han said and for a second Luke could believe him. 

“She's my sister,” he said. “You're having a kid with my sister—” and they weren't standing anywhere out in the open, where everyone could see them, but they were in a public corridor. Luke could hear the sounds of people talking beyond the bulwark, a meeting going on that he vaguely thought he was supposed to be a part of. 

Anyone could chance upon them. 

But Han still kissed him anyway, still holding his arms and Luke stiffened. Han kept kissing him though, his fingers tight enough Luke wondered if he was going to bruise and he whimpered into Han's mouth because even though Han's mouth was still closed and the line of his lips was angry it was warm and Luke had dreamed about this too much. He'd looked at the dark ceiling of his quarters too many times and told himself he didn't love, and didn't want. Not Leia's smile, not the way Han clung to him like he never wanted to let go. 

Luke didn't belong in that picture and he had spent so many nights trying to clip himself out of it.

He whimpered again and Han's fingers loosened and his mouth opened, sliding wetly against Luke's and Luke gave up, leaning into Han and sliding his arms around his shoulders. He let his lips part, and Han licked his way inside and it was a clumsy kiss. Luke clung to him, and when Han's hands moved from his arms to his shoulder blades and then down his spine, he gave up entirely. He let Han guide and control the kiss and just held on. 

“We can't,” he said anyway when Han pulled back. “We can't.”

“Because of the order?” Han said. “Because of Leia?”

“Because of all of it,” Luke said and his mouth ached. He couldn't stop staring at Han's lips that were red and shiny from kissing him and that seemed to undermine everything he was trying to say. 

“Luke, I know you're scared,” and Han was the first person to say that to him since the Death Star. Luke opened his mouth and closed it again. “But we can do this.”

“We shouldn't,” Luke said and it was a far cry from _we can't_. 

“I love you,” Han said like it fixed anything. Luke finally broke away from him, backing up several steps. 

“I know,” he said. “And you love Leia and I love you and her, and she still probably loves the both of us. But that's not enough.” 

“Why isn't it?” Han asked. 

Luke's eyes darted away because with the taste of Han still in his mouth he didn't have an answer. 

“I would rather try and fail,” Han said, advancing again and Luke let him, tilting his chin back. “Than never know. Never know what it's like to be with you. I should have just kissed you when you came on the _Falcon_. But I thought that old man would disapprove and I would never see you again.”

“He did,” Luke said. “He does.” 

Han's brows twitched down but he seemed to shrug that off. “Still should have. Might have saved some time.”

Luke licked his lips, his mouth suddenly very dry. “You're about to have a kid.”

“And it'll be your relative too,” Han said. “Kid will have Leia and a whole rebellion to raise them.” 

“You have to be here for them,” Luke said and Han's hand came up to trace his jawline. 

“I will be,” he said. 

“It's a big commitment,” Luke whispered, not leaning into the touch. 

“The three of us,” Han said, still stroking his cheek. “Are going to make this work. The kid. The rebellion. And I am going to make us work.”

Luke closed his eyes and didn't stop him again when he leaned down, kissing him like a promise.

-0-

“He'll break your heart,” Leia said, and her hair was carefully and perfectly braided at the base of her neck. There was still red at the corner of her eyes and Luke knew now that's how she dealt with grief. She carefully and perfectly dressed herself and braided her hair in the way of a princess, and stood as a constant for all the people around her, while they broke and cried and raged. “And if he doesn't, I'll be angry, wondering what you had I didn't.”

“Leia,” Luke said softly, and he wanted to put his head in her lap and cry. 

“I don't mean that,” Leia said after a beat. “At least I think I don't mean that. I don't want to.” She leaned forward, and put a hand over Luke's. Her belly was just starting to look rounder, and the timing was too obvious for it to be anyone else but Han. “I'm happy for you, Luke. You've been too lonely. You've even been shutting me out.”

“I don't,” Luke started.

“You have been,” she said, and her eyes were sharp. “I think I understand why. But you need someone, to make sure you don't lose yourself.” 

“I don't want to hurt you,” Luke said.

“I think it's a little too late for both of you on that account,” Leia said. “But I want you to be happy. In time I might even want him to be happy again. And in even more time I might actually be happy you're happy together.”

“You're still my sister,” Luke said. “That is always going to matter.”

“And you're my brother,” she said and they were both still testing out the way those words felt in their mouths, what it meant to them. “Which to be honest is the only reason we're still talking.” 

Luke laughed weakly and she pulled him in against her chest, letting her warmth seep into him. For a while he stayed there, his eyes closed and pretended that maybe they would figure this out. Maybe Han wouldn't run away again, maybe they would finally win this war and have peace, and maybe the voices that haunted him at night would go away. 

-0-

Han stood waiting for him outside his quarters and Luke slowed before coming to a stop still several feet away. 

“We good?” Han asked softly. “With Leia, I mean.”

“Good is relative,” Luke said and he felt still like he was stealing something from someone. “She won't try and toss you out an airlock if that's what you're worried about.”

Han laughed weakly and Luke drifted closer. “This isn't going to be easy.” 

But he still stared too much, and he still dreamed too much and when Han reached out he didn't resist and sank willingly into the kiss. 

“I don't care, kid,” Han said with such surety, Luke almost believed him.

“You will,” he said and he never meant for it to be a promise. 

 


End file.
